SMACK MY B!T@H UP!!!

It has been a loooooong time.

2006-09-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

It has been a really long time since I have gotten around to updating this bitch. So lets kick it off right!!!

BROOK HOGAN IN A SNAKE SKIN RUFFLE SPANDEX MINI DRESS WITH GOLD LAME HEELS AT THE VMA'S.

Oh lord that is a great sentence. And look at how proude daddy hulk is! AAAWWW!!!

I dont know who this chick is but damn she is built for speed!!!!

2006-07-13T14:55:00.000-07:00

Look out you guys.....

2006-06-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson is movin to Europe. Well that makes sense though, if its like Rome or something. He can hang out with all the priests. ZING!

2006-06-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

So its been a super long time since I have updated. Sorry.
I am gonna kick things off right though by posting about how much I want to have sex with David Cassidys daughter. No I don't really know who he is, and I know she is an actress but I have never seen her act. Doesn't matter though. Cuz she is fuckin hot. Just look how that bitch goes from innocent to super slut and yet is still so super fuckable. Chameleon girl.

WTF.....

2006-06-16T08:30:00.000-07:00

I COPIED THIS WHOLE ARTICLE BUT DIDN'T FEEL LIKE MAKING IT RED. SO DEAL. IM TELLING YOU NOW.

2006-06-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

Indie film director John Roecker was walking to his car in Los Feliz while wearing a shirt with the slogan "Scientology is Gay" when a shirtless dude and Jenna Elfman approached him. The shirtless dude was Jenna's husband and he told John that he was making fun of his religion. It's then that Jenna went ape-shit!
According to Roecker, whose encounter was first reported on LA's KROQ-FM's Kevin and Bean Show, the invective started to fly after he made several references to Scientology theology and its reported central tenant, the story of Xenu.Roecker says Jenna repeatedly said "What crimes have you committed?" and began screaming at Roecker, "Have you raped a baby?" as motorists on Los Feliz Boulevard drove by in snarled traffic.Roecker says it appears that Bodhi Elfman prepared to take a swing at him, but thought against it.Bizarrely, Roecker also says that the Elfmans had a young, twenty-something male companion with them whom they continually instructed to move away and cover his ears whenever references to Xenu were made.Holy shit! Jenna Elfman is nuts! Scientology honestly turns your brains into mush. I shouldn't be saying this, because those bitches are powerful and will eff me up. I was thinking of becoming a Scientologist just because with all the guys in there, I'd probably get a lot of dick!

- D LISTED . COM

This is not a joke and it is actually sad but we all can rally together and HELP SCREECH SAVE HIS HOUSE!!

2006-06-13T15:34:00.000-07:00

Just click the pic.

Comics that were backing up in MyPictures

2006-06-12T11:59:00.000-07:00

How do you get drool out of the keyboard......?

2006-06-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

Lionel what are you doing? Snerf Snerf.

2006-05-31T13:33:00.000-07:00

Mariah Crazy has won some sort of award/contract. yay.

2006-05-31T13:07:00.000-07:00

Mariah Carey won the Venus Legs of a Goddess contest and spokesperson contract. So you know what that crazy bitch did? She went out and insured her goddamn legs for a fucking BILLION dollars!!!!!!! I would cut off one of my legs for 500 mill. No f-ing problem-o. I cant think of anyone's legs who are worth a billion dollars, let alone that silicone packed, kinky haired, nut job of a woman.

Oh and here she is later that day showing off the most surgerated upon stomach known to man. It makes Tara Reid look ALMOST normal...

2006-05-31T12:57:00.000-07:00

REMEMBER GOOD OLD LISA TURTLE? WELL HER REAL NAME IS LARK VOORHIES. THAT'S CORRECT FOLKS:

VOORHIES.

SERIAL KILLER MUCH LARKY? SHE IS CLAIMING THAT THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER LIED WHEN THEY SAID THAT SHE HAD A COCAINE ADDICTION AND BI-POLAR DISORDER. SHE CLAIMS THAT SHE CANT GET WORK BECAUSE OF THEIR STORY. WELL I SAY IF IT WASN'T FOR THEM SHE WOULD NOT BE IN THE NEWS AT ALL AND SOME ASS KISSING IS DUE. I THINK THE REAL REASON SHE HAS NOT HAD A JOB SINCE SAVED BY THE BELL IS PRETTY OBVIOUS. VOORHIES PEOPLE. GOD. WELL LARK IF YOU ARE SO ON THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW AND OF SOUND MIND AND ALL THAT SHIT, THEY WHY HAVE YOU NOT HAD THE GOOD SENSE TO CHANGE YOUR LAST FUCKIN NAME BITCH??? JESUS. I WOULDN'T HIRE YOU EITHER. I WOULD BE AFRAID ONE DAY YOU WOULD COME TO THE SET AND BE ALL "YOU CUT 6 OF MY LINES??? NO ONE CUTS LARK VOORHIES LINES AAARRRGGGHHH" THEN YOU PULL OUT YOUR CHAINSAW AND GO TO TOWN ON MY DAMN CREW. WELL NO LARK! I WONT LET THAT HAPPEN!!! NOT ON MY WATCH!!! RUN CAMERA MAN!!! RUN!!!!! I WONT LET LARK GET YOU!!!

UUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMM

2006-05-31T12:49:00.001-07:00

SO SINCE WHEN IS THE "DIRTY LADY, EVEN DIRTIER DOG" LOOK IN?? YOU WILL NEVER GET NICK BACK LOOKING LIKE THAT HONEY. EVEN THAT KEN PAVE' CARROT TOP MONSTROSITY WAS BETTER THAN THIS...SHE LOOKS LIKE SHE SMELLS.

HA.

2006-05-31T12:46:00.000-07:00

Nelly Furtado is ugly and has weird proportions.

2006-05-30T16:06:00.000-07:00

90% ass, 10% boobs and 100% FUGLY. Bitch isn't even a butterface.

Thats what happens when you start hanging out with us state troppers; We show you the funny!

2006-05-30T16:02:00.000-07:00

Nicole Richie is disgusting skinny

2006-05-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

SHE LOOKS LIKE A WALKING ANTI ANOREXIA POSTER :sponsored by RayBan!

HER KID'S NAME IS BANANAS! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

2006-05-26T14:15:00.000-07:00

I just realized that this woman will pick the permanent name for that unfortunate life form in side her. I could just see her naming it something retarded like Harijouku Baby Rossendale, or Gwenisreallyhot Rossendale. Or "The baby formerly known as Normal". This kid is going to have to go to private and Ivy league schools. I hear they have the best counseling centers.

Even at 80, and wearing an 8 year olds sailor suit I am just compelled to respect the man.

2006-05-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

WTF IS WITH BARBARA WALTERS FREAK ASS EYES?

2006-05-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

You know you have hit rock bottom when a bunch of recycled crayons in gold lame' look hotter than you.

2006-05-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

May 26, 2006 -- PITY poor, pregnant pop tart Britney Spears. Madame Tussauds has jumped on the Britney-bashing bandwagon with a sexy, skinny wax likeness of the singer - cheekily dubbed "vintage" in contrast to her current frazzled, curler-wearing look. The museum also kicked off a marketing blitz imploring fans to sign petitions to save the Louisiana native "from herself, from her husband and from her relentless fertility." Ouch! In another kick below the mom-to-be's burgeoning belt, Tussauds is begging Brit to bring back the "happier times" when she was "single, sexy and svelte." It's the latest whack at Spears, who's plagued by a reportedly faltering marriage to professional nobody Kevin Federline and several high-profile baby-endangering stunts. A rep for the Times Square tourist trap insisted: "It's meant to be supportive. Her fans want her to make music again." Maybe she should start with the anti-Federline poem she posted on her Web site: "Remember the Bible, the sins of the Father. What you do, you pass down. You don't see me now, you ask yourself why. My crown is back and it's way too high, for you to be in my presence, especially my son." Man, that's deep!

--New York Times Page 6 column

Wow Buttface Spears must feel like shit now. Even a bloody CELEBRITY WAX MUSEUM, is kicking her ass publicly. Jeebus Christ on a cracker people leave the poor bloated thing alone. Just in case you didn't catch it below a link to the "poem" she wrote, presumably about K-Fed her...Husband...No....Lover.....Still not right...How about....Bank account sucking, sperm donating wigger life mate. Yeah that's more like it.

http://www.britneyspears.com/

FRIDAY FUNNY

2006-05-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

Kate Moss finally snaps....

2006-05-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

NSFW!!!!!

2006-05-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

THE TRANNYCAT DOLLS AND ALL OF THEIR WARDROBE MALFUNCTIONING GLORY. (yes these photos are old but this is news to me)

Britney Spears is officially trailer trash.

2006-05-25T16:32:00.000-07:00

OHGOODGODWHATTHEFUCKISTHAT?? OH *phew* its just Trailerpark Spears, for a second there I thought that hooker off 82nd ave had made her way to the B. Hillz and was doing the Spederlines manny(man-nanny). Then again I don't think Angel Marie would ever wear that dress. Or that hair. Or that lipstick. My, my how the might hot have fallen. *tee hee hee* I bet that fetus in her really appreciates all the caffeine too.

For the love of all that is slutty, is that lipstick?? On her leg???

Douchbag Hasselhoff at American Idol finals last night.

2006-05-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

Yes, those are tears in his eyes. I don't think he was crying about being caught at the Idol finals either. I guess he was really rooting for Taylor to pull through and he did *sniff* way to go little buddy! I knew you could do it *single tear*

Her clothes are bananas B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!

2006-05-25T15:52:00.000-07:00

As much as I HATE Gwen Steffani, I have to choke back the rage for a minute and say that her hair is F-ing amazing. Then I see the pants and I am all ragey again. Just because your pregnant does not mean I wont call you fat Gwen. Cow.

X-Tina drunk. Maybe that explains her marrying a troll too.

2006-05-25T15:50:00.000-07:00

Oh lookie Christina Aguilera is drunk. All the better to take advantage of I suppose.

2006-05-25T12:29:00.000-07:00

NEWS FLASH!!!! WEIRD LOOKING BODY GUARD NEEDS A RAISE!!

2006-05-19T16:06:00.000-07:00

BRIT BRIT ALMOST SMASHES S.P.F. BUT AT LEAST SHE IS WEARING A BRA! SHE MUST HAVE GOTTEN TIRED OF THE SAGGY BOOBIE COMMENTS CUZ SHE IS TRYING HER DAMNEDEST TO SHOW US THAT SHE WEARS A BRAZIER EVEN WHEN ONE IS NOT REQUIRED. HICK.

J. Alba, kicking ass and taking names....as a stunt for the MTV movie awards, DUH.

2006-05-19T16:00:00.000-07:00

OH MAN THAT IS THE FUNNIESTEST POSTER EVER!!!

2006-05-18T15:38:00.001-07:00

JEWEL SOLD OUT. TISK TISK.

2006-05-18T15:38:00.000-07:00

2006-05-16T16:18:00.000-07:00

Q: WHAT IS THE HARDEST THING ABOUT ROLLERBLADING?

A: TELLING YOUR PARENTS YOUR GAY.

2006-05-15T14:05:00.000-07:00

And here is Paris to class up this JOINT...I mean....PLACE. Yeah that's what I mean, class up this PLACE...cuz she is so SMOKING hot....I mean she is attractive.....ok, well she...She sure is a fucking pot head....I mean....Oh, no wait. That was what I meant.

JUST FOR YOU ANDREW. (that rhymes)

2006-05-15T12:43:00.000-07:00

Denise Richards and her sister.....

2006-05-12T14:16:00.000-07:00

Wow talk about getting the short end of the genetic stick.....

Two too totally seriously sexy stories

2006-05-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

1) A crazy ass teacher beats down another teacher in front of a 7th grade class, because she spoke harshly to her daughter. Now why is that wrong again??

2) Proof that models are as dumb as they look...This chick walked out of a moving bus...That is the ultimate "so dumb she is luck she is hot" situation.

Jessica sux at designing.

2006-05-12T10:34:00.000-07:00

OK so in a side note that "Hair" Jessica had on in the orange picture, was actually a wig from her and hairstylest Kevin Paves new line. They are creating wigs, hair pieces, extensions so on and so forth. Good god. Like Her princy jeans weren't enough of an assault on my eyes.

THAT IS ONE SICK JOKE BITCH!! Now smile like a donought.

2006-05-11T16:24:00.000-07:00

Apparantly Jessica Simpson woke up and realized that she looked like crap with orange hair, orange skin, orange dresses and weird smashed boobs. All is well now though.

"Thosh are shom big boobsh mom." "Thats it Gregory were leaving. I cant have my precious angle corrupted. Go play GTA like a good boy"

2006-05-11T16:18:00.000-07:00

LOS ANGELES - Missing: scantily-clad females hawking the latest in electronic toys for the boys.
The video game industry's annual trade show in Los Angeles opened its doors to its exhibitors Wednesday with organizers ordering women staffing the booths to cover up or face a $5,000 fine.
Banned are nudity, partial nudity, bikini bottoms or any sexually explicit or provocative conduct, according to the handbook from The Entertainment Software Association, or ESA, which owns and operates the E3 Expo.
Pauline K, who declined to give her last name, wore a white shredded tank top with an exposed midriff, short mini skirt and knee-high leggings as she handed out fliers for a company that makes custom face plates for Microsoft Corp.'s Xbox 360 game machine.
She said another of the models received a warning from show organizers for showing too much skin. "Apparently her cleavage was a little too distracting," she said.
In January, the ESA outlined tough new penalties to enforce decency rules. Exhibitors get a verbal warning for a first violation and a second violation carries a $5,000 fine.
"Last year there were a lot of complaints about how the models were beyond, in many cases, what was decent," said ESA President Douglas Lowenstein Monday.
Despite the new rules, there was no shortage of exposed skin, patent leather and knee-high boots. Many exhibitors dressed women like video game heroines and there was a group of women wearing sexy nurses' outfits.
"They're wearing slightly more clothes this year," said Gail Salamanica, an exhibitor at the show, "But not much."

I AM A BANANA!

2006-05-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

Look out Tommy she is coming!!!

2006-05-09T13:12:00.000-07:00

TOM CRUISE HAS A CONTENDER FOR CRAZIEST FUCK ON THE PLANET!!!!

-PS if you cant read the sign it says " Tom Cruise My hero, My role Model!! Crazy fuck.

W.....T.................FFFF?????

2006-05-08T15:48:00.000-07:00

OK SO EVERYONE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD IS COMMENTING ON HER HAIR, HER WEIRD TAN AND HER ILL FITTING DRESS. I HOWEVER AM GOING TO TAKE THE UNBEATEN PATH AND SAY WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH HER TITS????????????????
HAS JOE SIMPSON BEEN SWINGING FROM THEM? IS THAT THE REAL REASON NICK LEFT?? I DON'T KNOW AND I DON'T CARE. ALL THAT MATTERS IS THAT SHE NO LONGER MAKES ME INCREDIBLY HORNY. NOW SHE JUST LOOKS LIKE A GERIATRIC UMPALUMPA WITH A FACE LIFT. *SNIFF*

WAIT! SOMEONE WANTS TO HELP YOU JESS!

ahahahahahhahahahahahhhahhahahahahaha

2006-05-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and genericname. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name ofAcetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also callAmoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After carefulconsideration by a team of government experts, it recently announcedthat it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Alsoconsidered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and ofcourse, Ibepokin.Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available inliquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beveragesuitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man toliterally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call thisa soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of "cocktails",highballs" and just a good old-fashioned "stiff drink". Pepsi willmarket the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

2006-05-03T15:50:00.000-07:00

ha

2006-05-02T13:22:00.000-07:00

The Guys' Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the rules" From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Men ARE not mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly ACCPETABLE answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help SOLVING it. That's what we do. "Sympathy" is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't EXPECT us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're FAT, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, NOT a "color". Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can to give them a bigger laugh

PRICELESS.

2006-04-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

Maddox strikes again with his iron fist of awesomness

2006-04-27T12:57:00.000-07:00

http://maddox.xmission.com/

ps. I ordered his book already. Did you?

Maury Povich is a dirty old man rower

2006-04-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

Maury's on-camera segments dealing with sex, drugs and scandalous behavior may be nothing compared to what one producer is claiming went on behind the scenes at the show.

Bianca Nardi filed a $100 million sexual harassment lawsuit Monday against host Maury Povich and two members of his syndicated talk show's team stating that she was exposed to a gross amount of inappropriate behavior in the nearly six years she has worked for them. The 28-year-old producer also named NBC Universal Television and Povich's production company, MoPo, in her suit.

According to court documents, Nardi says she was forced to watch pornographic movies with another target of her suit, Paul Faulhaber, executive producer of Maury, and that Faulhaber insisted she wear short skirts and other sexy gear around the office.
Nardi blamed the office environment on the "intimate and sexual relationship" between Povich and another member of the production staff, Donna Ingber.

Povich has been married to TV journalist Connie Chung since 1984. The couple, who also cohost Weekends with Maury and Connie on MSNBC together, have one son and Povich has two grown daughters from a previous marriage.

The lawsuit also claims that Nardi's assignments included wearing hidden cameras and microphones to bars to catch married men agreeing to have sex with her and allowing cameramen to take photos of her cleavage for use on the show. She alleges that she was sent out on a lewdly themed assignment that wasn't even going to be used for the show and that she was supposed to encourage interview subjects to lie about their sexual habits to make for better TV.
When she complained about the alleged circumstances to Faulhaber, he had another producer pile up Nardi's workload so that she eventually was working more than 80 hours a week, the lawsuit states. Faulhaber also allegedly told her that, if she continued to complain, her working environment would only get worse and she'd eventually be fired.

Nardi is also suing producer Donna Benner Ingber, whom she said would call her at all hours of the night while intoxicated to discuss sexually related topics.
Nardi joined the show in 2000 and was promoted twice before leaving this month on temporary medical leave, her attorney Bruce Baron said. He said that his client has been undergoing psychiatric treatment to deal with the conditions she faced at work and that she has gained weight because of all the stress.

Spokespeople for Maury and NBC Universal have denied all of the charges.
"We are aware of the allegations of harassment made by Ms. Nardi," Gary Rosen, a spokesman for the show, told reporters. "We have done a complete and thorough investigation of her allegations of harassment and we are satisfied that there is no merit to them. We stand behind our experienced and dedicated staff, fully."

"We do not believe that Ms. Nardi was a victim of unlawful sexual harassment and intend to defend this lawsuit vigorously," NBC spokeswoman Rebecca Marks said.
Maury is no stranger to court dockets.
I
n 2004 a New York appeals court tossed a lawsuit brought by a former Maury guest charging that the talk show was responsible for her being raped. The girl, who was 14 at the time, had said that a limo driver claiming to be associated with the Manhattan-based program attacked her after she made an appearance on the show. Lawyers for Maury maintained that this man, who was never prosecuted, was completely making up his attachment to the show because the studio's chauffeur was a woman. The court ruled 5-0 that the girl was no longer in the care of Povich or his associates when the attack took place.

Povich, 67, is perhaps best known for hosting the scandal-loving newsmagazine show A Current Affair from 1986 to 1990. In 1991 he left to helm his own talkfest, The Maury Povich Show. NBC Universal renamed the show Maury in 1998 and it's now in its eighth season.

--taken from Eonline!

JT WANTS TO WISH YOU A HAPPY TUESDAY!

2006-04-25T09:17:00.000-07:00

WTF???

2006-04-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

WHAT HAPPENED TO KATIE HOLMES? I KNOW THIS PIC IS LIKE A WEEK OLD SINCE SHE JUST HAD THE BABY, BUT I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT HER FAT-NESS. I AM TALKING ABOUT THE TEETH...OH THE TEETH. MAYBE TOM WILL BUY HER SOME VENEERS. OR HE BRAINWASHED HER TO THINK THAT SNAGGLE TOOTH IS THE NEW BLACK...

Nick Lachey is a big fat wuss.

2006-04-20T12:10:00.000-07:00

"I'll tell you how I knew my marriage was over," he said. "I was told.
I never wanted to be a divorce. I wanted us to be happy. I guess we differed on strategy."
"Sometimes I think it would be easier if I had just walked in the house and found her in bed with a guy. That would be clear-cut. End of story. I wouldn't have to deal with the uncertainty of adultery." "I think he felt she was too young," he said. "The Simpson family are a tight-knit group. I knew going in they would be there. I'm not sure I knew how extensive it was going to be.
"I don't pretend to understand Joe. I don't know if he ever liked me. To this day I couldn't say. It was painful. Do I think Joe drove a rift between us? No. Was he an influence in our marriage? Absolutely."

Thats a little taste of Nick Lachey whining to Rolling Stone about his d-i-v-o-r-c-e to Jessicunt Simpson.

Well let me tell you some thing Nicky, GET THE F OVER IT. For god sakes man!Youu got to punch the most sought after kitty in H-town for three years.On national television.While you got paid. And now that it is over you get to be free to punch more kitty with her money and some of the lingering fame. JESUS MAN.Be a little more pessimistic why dont cha.Your Trojan is half full bud.

Just plain f-ing weird.

2006-04-14T16:19:00.000-07:00

Star Jones, post gastric bypass operation. The "lady" next to her looks to be a different kind of post op...
Antonio banderaz (Did I spell that right? Don't really care.)

Q's for U's

2006-04-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

If it is ok for a woman to hit a man in the arm when she sees a "slug-bug" is it ok for a man to shove her head in his lap when he sees a "hummer"?

Is your boss a seagull manager? Do they fly in, make a lot of noise, poop all over everything, and then leave?

WTF????

2006-04-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

SINCE WHEN DOES ASSLEE LOOK HOTTER THAN JESSICUNT? IT LOOKS LIKE JESSICA IS STONE COLD ZOOMIN AND ASS IS ALL PRETTY AND HER TAN EVEN LOOKS NATURAL. I AM SO CONFUSED....ARE THEY TUNA OR CHICKEN??

Naughty by Nature: brought to you by NavyMonkey in all his pervy glory...

2006-04-13T14:02:00.000-07:00

Who but System of a Down could come up with lyrics this insightful and genious? No one.

2006-04-12T11:12:00.000-07:00

VICINITY OF OBSCENITY

Banana banana banana terracottaBanana terracotta terracotta pieBanana banana banana terracottaBanana terracotta terracotta pie
Is there a perfect way of holding you baby?Vicinity of obscenity in your eyesTerracotta terracotta terracotta pieIs there a perfect way of holding you baby?Vicinity of obscenity in your eyes
Terracotta pie heyTerracotta pie heyTerracotta pie heyTerracotta pie
Banana banana banana banana terracottaBanana terracotta terracotta pieBanana banana banana banana terracottaBanana terracotta terracotta pie
Do we all learn defeatFrom the whores with bad feetBeat the meat, treat the feetTo the sweet milky seat
Banana banana banana terracottaBanana terracotta terracotta pieBanana banana banana terracottaBanana terracotta terracotta pie
Is there a perfect way of holding you baby?Vicinity of obscenity in your eyes
Terracotta pie heyTerracotta pie heyTerracotta pie heyTerracotta pie
Banana banana banana banana terracottaBanana terracotta terracotta pieBanana banana banana banana terracottaBanana terracotta terracotta pie
Do we all learn defeatFrom the whores with bad feetBeat the meat, treat the feetTo the sweet milky seat
Banana banana banana banana terracottaBanana Terracotta terracotta pieBanana banana banana banana terracottaBanana Terracotta Terracotta pie
Banana banana banana banana terracottaBanana Terracotta Terracotta pieBanana banana banana banana terracottaBanana Terracotta Terracotta pie

Ok....

2006-04-11T14:26:00.000-07:00

I know there is a ton of bleach in her hair, silicone in her boobs (and possibly lips) and there has to be a corset under that dress but.....GOD DAMN SHE LOOKS GOOD! I am so glad she has come back to us. *sigh*

Oh yeah...comeon baby....comeon......

If you ever wondered what fear looks like:

2006-04-10T12:22:00.000-07:00

She looks like she is gonna cry. I actually feel bad for her. I think this picture goes to show that she was never pregnant though. That bump is waaayyyy too low, her boobs have not grown at all and this pic was taken only two months ago. Compared with this it seems the above pic should have been her one month pregnant, not seven. And hasn't she been knocked up for like a year now? I am so confused!

Yes that is Tori Spelling....

2006-04-10T12:19:00.000-07:00

No I don't know who the guy is other than they are obviously sleeping together, yes he is the biggest moron EVER, and no I don't know why the tattoo has two sets of boobies.

2006-04-10T12:18:00.000-07:00

2006-04-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

Eminem's soon to be re-ex-wife shows us how versatile her black eye liner really is

2006-04-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

It takes a bold woman to

A: marry someone who writes songs about dismembering you.

B: Marry someone so rich and STILL never get your roots done.

C: Wear your eye liner as your eyebrow pencil and lip liner too.

She is amazing.

2006-04-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

Ok. What the hell is going on here? The pictures below are supposed to be katie Holmes's baby bump. Im sorry but that is either octuplets or fake. No one looks like that if they are that pregnant anyway. Her hair should be a mess, no make up, with a box of kleenex, sweats and a tub of ice cream. Speaking of sweats, if she is that pregnant then how the HELL is she wearing jeans??? If you look in the third picture you can see the ZIPPER! No way, no how do maternity jeans for someone that big have a zipper. Jesus. Do they think we are dumb? This is either the most elaborate plan to prove that Mr. Maverick is not going brokeback, or she already had the baby and is wearing this ridiculous get up to make us think she is still prego. I dunno which is weirder. All I know is that unless there is alien spawn in there she has issues.

It looks like a basketball floating in there. Her "bump" does not even touch her body. It looks as detached as Tommy boys sense of reality.

Now how is the shirt too big in this pic? In the last couple that fabric looked purdy streched....time to get out the foot pump.

funnies for tuesday

2006-04-04T16:09:00.000-07:00

OH SWEET MOTHER OF AWESOME!!!!!

2006-04-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

http://hedonistica.com/yt.php?path=http://youtube.com/v/4dGFMlwBF8U

2006-04-03T13:01:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying that Sharon Stone sucks rectum.

Now that I have that out of the way I would like to point out that she was paid over 14 mil. for her newest movie; Basic Instinct 2, and it barely grossed 3.2 mil. And if you saw it you had to sit through her 90 year old boobs all up in your face on a giant screen! I think Adam Carolla put it best when he said "her being nude in the movie is like women's basketball or the special Olympics. Just because you can do it, doesn't mean that anyone wants to watch it."

*According to some new info, released due to a law suit that she filled and settled with the production team of the movie, she had quite a few demands. Here are some of the best ones:

$3,500 a day per diem, a presidential suite with 2 bedrooms, 3 nannies at $1,500 a week each, 24 hour bodyguards, 2 assistants, a personal trainer, first class travel for 6 (in case private jet travel is not available), the right to approve catering (if not approved, personal chef will be provided), no oil based smoke to be used as a special effect, no cigar smoke on set and a Pilates Cadillac for personal use.

On top of the 14mil she already got mind you.

2006-04-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

THIS IS JESSICA SIMPSON IN WASHINGTON STUMPING FOR SOME STUPID CHARITY WHERE SHE GETS FREE PLASTIC SURGERY FOR CHILDREN IN 3RD WORLD COUNTRIES WHO HAVE FACIAL DEFORMITYS. FIRST OF ALL LETS MAKE SURE THEY DON'T DIE OF STARVATION. THEN LETS TRY AND FIX THIER ECONOMY, EDUCATE THEM, GIVE THEM DESCENT CLOTHS, SCHOOLS, HEALTH CARE AND SOME FREAKING BIRTH CONTROL. MAYBE IF WE FOCUSED ON FIXING THAT CRAP ONE DAY THEY COULD AFFORD THIER OWN PLASTIC SURGERY. JUST BECAUSE NEW BOOBS AND A FEW INJECTIONS IN YOUR LIPS MAKE YOU FEEL ALL BETTER AGAIN IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT WILL HELP STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA. DUMB ASS.

IN LIGHT OF HOW STUPID THIS CHARITY IS I AM THINKING MAYBE IT IS A COVER FOR SOMETHING....MAYBE HER AND PRESIDENT BUSH ARE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPELL POTATOE?

GB: P-O-O-T-A-T-E-O???

JS:...UM I THINK THERE IS A SILENT "K".....RIGHT?

hahahaha....ha

2006-04-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

mY FoRtUnE fOr ToDaY!!! HAHAHAHA

2006-03-29T10:05:00.000-08:00

The'>http://www.blogthings.com/fortunecookiegenerator/">The

I know some of these are duplicates. The thing is Bob, I just dont care.

2006-03-24T12:51:00.000-08:00

Correct me if I am wrong but is that not a MULLET???

2006-03-20T16:42:00.000-08:00

This is an email advertisement from my favorite salon Dosha. Though I am rethinking ever getting anything done there again considering their adds push the dreaded "hockey hair".

funnieee

2006-03-20T13:10:00.000-08:00

You know why your gay Josh Hartnett?....

2006-03-20T13:07:00.000-08:00

This is why:

Lindsay Lohan....what a chick!

2006-03-20T10:03:00.000-08:00

Here are some quotes that make Lindsay sound fun and a bit skanky. But who said skanky isn't fun?

"Sleeping around is not something that interests me, but the act of love is an amazing thing. It's groovy. You've gotta have some fun and let those emotions out."

"Marriage is a big deal, but who's to say I'm not going to pull a Vegas and get married just to get married and see what it's like for a minute?" she breezily maintains, adding, "Never say never. The things you don't plan are the best. I'm a very spontaneous person.

ha

2006-03-10T10:03:00.000-08:00

Yeah Brit go ahead and deny those prego rumors. That belly is really helping prove your point that you did not let Federfag knock you up again....

2006-03-08T20:54:00.000-08:00

THIS IS THE OSCARS FASHION. I MASHED THE BAD AND GOOD ONES ALL TOGETHER BECAUSE THEY ALL PRETTY MUCH SUCK.

2006-03-08T12:44:00.000-08:00

DONNIE DARKO IS DONNIE DRUNKO AT THE OSCARS

2006-03-08T12:32:00.000-08:00

HA

2006-03-08T12:29:00.000-08:00

Homeless people are good for something! Making me laugh!

2006-03-08T11:57:00.000-08:00

Oh man that Yanni is such a bad ass!

2006-03-07T12:14:00.000-08:00

MANALAPAN, Fla. -- The musician Yanni was arrested at his home after an alleged domestic dispute with his girlfriend, authorities said.
Yanni, whose legal name is John Yanni Christopher, was arrested early Friday and faces a domestic battery charge, according to a police report.
The Greek-born singer-pianist denied the allegations.
Yanni asked his girlfriend, Silvia Barthes, to leave his beachfront home in Manalapan on Thursday night, the police report said. Barthes, 33, told police she attempted to pack her clothing but the 51-year-old musician threw it on the ground.
She told officers he then grabbed her arms and shook her, throwing her on the bed, and jumped on top of her, according to the report.
Yanni told police Barthes kicked him, and he believed he injured his finger during the incident, the report said.
No one answered a call to a telephone listing for a John Christopher in Manalapan late Monday. But the musician said in a statement he was innocent.
"These allegations are cruel, false, without merit and baseless," said the statement released by his manager, Danny O'Donovan. "At a more appropriate time and place, I hope and pray I will have an opportunity to address my fans and colleagues all over the world."

WITH HIS REPUTATION I WOULD KINDA THINK ABOUT TAKING THESE RUMORS IN STRIDE. I MEAN HE NEEDS SOMETHING TO MANLY UP HIS IMAGE, AND WHATS MORE MANLY THAN SHOWING YOUR BITCH THE PIMP HAND WHEN SHE STEPS OUTA LINE? AND I AM SURE HE ONLY HIT HER BECAUSE HE REALLY CARES. HE ISN'T A BAD GUY HE WAS JUST A GOOD GUY HAVING A BAD DAY.

MADONNA/ESTHER/MADGE/SLUT/SAINT/JEW/ATHEIST/YOGI HAS TOTALLY CRACKED THIS TIME

2006-03-07T11:58:00.000-08:00

Madonna, was recently talking to the press about her daughters reaction to her kissing Britney Spears. This is the whole crazy thing;

"(Lourdes) is really obsessed with who is gay," says Madonna in an interview in Out magazine. "And she even asked, 'Mom, you know they say that you are gay?' And I'm, 'Oh, do they? Why?' And she says, 'Because you kissed Britney Spears.' And I said, 'No, it just means I kissed Britney Spears. I am the mommy pop star and she is the baby pop star. And I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her."

I don't think anything else needs to be said here. Accept that, that is some of the CRAZIEST HORSE SHIT I have ever read. Unless she means "fulfilling 14 year old boys fantasies on national television for ratings" when she says "pass my energy on to her".

THE BRAINS!! OH HO! THE BRAINS...

2006-03-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

THIS IS WHAT AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL HAS GOT FOR US THIS YEAR???

2006-03-07T10:22:00.000-08:00

THESE ARE SOME OF THE CONTESTANTS FROM THIS YEARS ANTM COMPETITION. WOW....IS THAT IT. THEY ALL EITHER LOOK LIKE THEY ARE FROM A JC PENNY CATALOGUE OR THEY ARE A STICK FIGURE WITH HAIR. CRAPPY HAIR AT THAT. WTF?? IS THIS REALLY THE HOTTEST GIRLS THAT AMERICA HAS BEEN CHURNING OUT LATELY? THEY ARE BORING TO LOOK AT. THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT ANY OF THEM ACCEPT THAT THEY ARE TALL AND HAVE WEIRD FACE SHAPES, AND OF COURSE ASS BONES THAT COULD CUT A STEAK. I DON'T SEE ANYTHING BEAUTIFUL HERE. I MEAN GOD! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ADRIANA LIMA'S AND THE PETRA NEMCOVA'S OF THE MODELING WORLD?? THIS MUST BE STOPPED!!!

Here is some funny for you. I like the first one the best.

2006-03-06T12:54:00.000-08:00

Lindsay has coke nose....I circled the evidence in yellow.

2006-03-06T12:13:00.000-08:00

So in the first two pics her nose looks all red and raw (ignore the randome groupie). Some say this could be due to a cold or allergies. Well I can say from experience that my allergies have never turned my nose into hamburger, or made me drop 30lbs in in a few months. So lets just rule that out right now. The cold thing is sorta off the page too since these pics were taken almost a year apart, based on the hair color. Lets move on to exhibit C.
Here we have LiLo and a girl we will call "anonymous whore". What is interesting in this picture is in the yellow circle. Some say that white line is the edge of a zippo on its side and that the light hit it just right, some say that it is a cigarette, and some say it is a nice little bump of coke.
I don't know if it is coke or not but it sure looks like it to me. So there you have all the evidence.

THAT IS MANSONS WIFE???? HE MUST BE MAGIC, OR A HYPNOTIST OR SOMETHING...

2006-03-06T12:06:00.000-08:00

DOES THIS REMIND ANYONE OF A CERTAIN COUCH??

2006-03-06T12:03:00.000-08:00

This is a guy making fun of cyber sex...CLICKTHELINKCLICKTHELINKCLICKTHELINK! OBEY!!

2006-03-04T22:14:00.000-08:00

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/bloodninja.php

I guess I was wrong...These pics from some guys web cam and his testimony to the enquirer totally prove that Clay Aiken is NOT gay....snicker

2006-03-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

GAY CLAY EXPOSES HIMSELF -- SAYS GAY TEACHER

By ALAN BUTTERFIELD

In our new issue hitting newsstands today, The National Enquirer is publishing shocking photos which may finally force Clay Aiken to come out of the closet!

Standing proudly in front of an internet camera, the former American Idol star apparently sheds his clothes until he is literally butt-naked.

The man who supplied us with the images — a 22-year-old homosexual school teacher — says Aiken performed the crude striptease in a bid to solicit him for sex via a gay website.

In recent weeks, The National Enquirer has uncovered several men who claim they encountered the singer as he surfed the internet looking for casual sex.

While Aiken has repeatedly denied he is gay, ex-soldier John Paulus told how he also shared 90 sordid minutes of passion with Aiken in a hotel room on January 2. In our new story, the teacher from Boston, Mass., who did not want to be named, said he met Aiken on the gay chat site Manhunt.net.

In a National Enquirer website exclusive, we are providing excerpts of the internet chat which is claimed to have taken place last December 5 — one day before Aiken appeared in concert in Boston.

Here is the edited text:

are you interested in me at all?
Source: ummmmmmm
Source: isn't every gay man in america?
i dunno
im only asking you now
Source: that seems a bit self explanatory
Source: otherwise I wouldn't be chatting
Source: hehe
Source: you're gorgeous
ME?!?!?

Source: you've never posed shirtless?????
just need to be a little careful
no
Source: really?
Source: howcome?
no one wants to see this
its boring and white
Source: and sexy and smooth and lickable
well you may feel that way
but the only way youll see it is in person
i dont have what you have to show off

Source: I'm just another piece of meat to a celebrity with a new boy in every town
but why was it taht you wanted to meet me
HA HA
if you think i have a new boy in everytown !!!HA HAHA
tahts rich
Source: come on
but i wont be able to convince otherwise of that either
Source: you don't manhunt yourself a new guy on each tour date?
i am a skinny white guy
i will admit that i try often when i have a day off
Source: hahahahaha
but i RARELY find an attractive guy my age
when i do
Source: you must have high standards
80% of them dont believe me
15% of them dont like me
Source: and I'm the other 5%
Source: ?????
and 3% i chicken out on
i have meet ONE guy off of here this year
Source: hahahahahaha
Source: WIMP!
it was on my summer tour in indy
Source: oh?
very nice guy
Source: he cute?
we stay in touch

well.. despite the fact that you have set me up for dissapointment tonight
you do seem like a pretty nice guy
Source: and a potential enjoyable wednesday night
i wont deny that the initial attraction is the looks
Source: of course it is
but you have been pretty cool since we've been talking
Source: well thanks
Source: I like beeing "cool"
youre obviously a little disturbed because you think i am attractive!
Source: welllllllll
but.. we can work through that
Source: my glamourized hollywood image of you.....
oh.. so now that youve seen the real me...not as attractive anymore?
Source: you're cute

Published on: 03/01/2006

That Lindsay Lohan is such a lady!....and yes that is a bong in the second pic below....

2006-03-04T20:08:00.000-08:00

Good luck with that chickiepie...

2006-03-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

In Scientology, mother and child are separated for days after birth to reduce trauma and provide time to recover, says a source. The mother is discouraged from holding or cuddling the child. "The baby should not be bathed or chilled but should be wrapped somewhat tightly in a warm blanket, very soft, and then left alone for a day or so," Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard wrote in a Dec. 20, 1958, bulletin titled "Processing a New Mother."

Paula Abdul acting weird?....Noooooo. Never.

2006-03-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

So people are saying that Paula was drunk last night on American Idol. I would have to agree with them, she was acting stupid. So watch the video and lemme know what your opinion is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pawMsDTf9ms&eurl=

If you can understand it here is a snippit of the dialogue:

The video above is of Ryan Seacrest asking Paula why two contestants received the fewest votes and her responding, "Simon said because one of them ate pizza and the other one ate salad."
And then later in the show, she continued with her insanity, saying: "What did you tell me Simon? What did you tell me? Simon gave me advice and said on 'The X Factor' he always refers to a fortune cookie and says the moth who finds the melon - (laughter) - finds the corn flake always finds the melon and one of you didnÂt pick the right fortune." -the superficial

You know your a loser when....

2006-03-03T11:53:00.000-08:00

"Kid Rock blames Scott Stapp for losing a sex video showing them with several strippers. Rock defended his backstage antics, saying, "It's not any big revelation that this goes on in rock 'n' roll, especially with who I am. He's the idiot because it's out. I'm holding him responsible." Rock said he invited Stapp to join him and four strippers after Stapp entered his motor home with a video camera and asked to "get in" on the action. "I don't want to be in that company with all these idiots (who have) sex tapes," Rock said, "which is why I've never had a video camera. I agree I knew the tape was going on at the time - I must have. Although, I'll guarantee you, I wasn't sober."- Daily News

You know your a loser when Kid Rock calls you an idiot.

MORE ONE LINER GOLD FROM "OVERHEARDINNEWYORK.COM"...

2006-03-01T13:40:00.000-08:00

Wednesday One-liners Eat Churro

Woman on cell: Yeah, I have to go. I'm too distracted on the phone, and I don't trust anyone in this terminal. People are speaking Spanish behind me, if you know what I mean.

--LaGuardia

Wednesday One-liners Go Potty

Chick on cell: It's a long story involving a lot of urine, but the gist of it is, we can't use that refrigerator ever again.

--Madison Square Garden ladies' room

Isaac, I know there are duplicates. Shut up.

2006-02-28T15:05:00.000-08:00

Emma Watson drinking....ps she is 15

2006-02-28T14:59:00.000-08:00

I don't think that is a magical potion from wizard school Missy!!! What would Harry say???

Is it just me or does Lindsay Lohan look like she would smell super super good?

2006-02-24T14:05:00.000-08:00